This is the third page of my Blog. I still can't count to three yet... my ghost writer, code name "Papa", has a gift for counting and, far as I can tell, he can count up to 4 or 5, maybe even further.  My mind is quite boggled.
2004-04-11 I got this new block thing from my grand-dad... a bunch of blocks which, according to the instructions, are supposed to stimulate my pincer grasp and augment my manual dexterity. The problem is I can't seem to get past this inexplicable urge to taste it and lick it all over. I dunno... it's just bigger than me. I feel like such a failure sometimes... I mean, I really want to explore my pincer grasping abilities and I truly hate to miss the milestones... but it just looks so gosh-darned edible that I lose my self-control.  One of my colleagues at the breast-feeding clinic has a mom who is a dietician... perhaps I should arrange for a consult.
2004-04-25 So, here's my mom dragging me to the local toy library. That's embarrassing enough -- all my buddies seeing me hanging out with my Dear Mater at the toy lending place instead of chilling at the local breastfeeding clinic with all the other cool infants. You'd think she'd let me ride in the front of the jogging stroller, eh? But noooo... she has to tuck me into her coat like some sort of arctic marsupial.

Having said that, and I'll deny it if you ever quote me on this, it's kinda cool up here... feels like I'm five feet tall instead of being knee high to a porcupine.
 
2004-05-06 I can't stand it! I have no freedom in this place... I'm comfortable eating with my feet up on the table and, apparently, this is "verboten" in my house.  Are all parents this strict? "Feet, Mado!" I hear them say all the time... as if they never had feet of their own. Gimme a break...
When I get a chair of my own I'm going to put my feet up all the time .... and I'll never wear shoes!
 
2004-05-07 "Hello? Is this Children's Aid? I'd like to report a goofy father who drags a helpless child into a construction zone? What? Danger? Yes... there must be! There were wires, unfinished walls, insulation and stuff...spooky enough to make my hair stand on end..."
2004-05-13 You know, I like to follow fashion trends just like the other gals, but tell me, in which sister-sister manual does it say that a gal's gotta match her threads to her mamma's? I hafta say, once and for all, that it just creeps me out when I look in the mirror and my momma and I are wearing the same freekin' outfit.

I must admit though... I think red is my colour. Dunno about my Martha-Stewart-wannabe-mom... maybe she should stick to earth tones...
 
2004-05-22 Excuse me!!! Can I have some privacy here! What's that privacy commissioner's phone number? The Radwanski dude...yes.. I wanna do lunch with him, because in my workplace environment I can't even take a bath without some loser taking pictures. Go away!!!
 
2004-06-08 Relaxing in my hotel room after spending the day visiting my legion fans here in Toronto, I'm a bit impressed by the facilities.  Look at the size of this bed! It's as big as my room back home! And the best part is that, to get to our room, we have to step into this little magic cube with sliding doors that makes my tummy tingle while, get this, it totally transforms the lobby into the hallway to  my room... it's amazing! I don't know how they do but it works every time!  And in reverse too: walk down the hall from my room, press a button to make the doors open, walk inside and seconds later the doors open and voilà!!! The hallway is gone and there's the lobby.  Kind of makes me feel like the last time I complained about my sore gums and Mother gave me that psychotropic sedative she calls Baby Advil -- girl, what a rush that was!
 
2004-06-17 Gross!!!! They gave me this round organic thing without a single word of warning and, just as I put it into my mouth (like I always do with new stuff) it starts to dissolve and, I swear, crumble into little bits of sand-flavoured crap! I gagged, naturally, and tried to divest myself of this flavour-disk but, for some as-yet unimagined purpose, I held onto it and felt compelled to taste it some more. Soon I was left with a soggy mess, a sorely-tested gag reflex and some nasty structural changes in my nappy. I certainly hope this is the last time they try to foist that kind of junk onto me...
2004-06-19 Woah... today I experienced something radically different from the rest of my existence!  At first it was just a question of sitting in a different but similar chair, if you know what I mean. But then, all of sudden, there's my mother-figure pushing on the chair, almost as if she wanted to put some distance between me and her. Then, without warning, the chair starts to fall back towards her, as if some secret force was at work denying her the pleasure of my rejection. So then she pushes again, as if to emphasize her antipathy, and -- amazingly -- her efforts are thwarted by a sudden swing back towards her. This "to-fro"  yin-yang thing goes on for several time-units.

She squealed then screamed something at me but that woman just can't pronounce her words -- it just sounds like mumbling to me. Besides, if it doesn't start with a "Buh" sound then I don't understand it... come to think of it, every thing know is called "Buh"... go figure.
 
2004-06-19 So it turns out, after all, that my father-figure isn't such a dweeb after all.  I was concerned when I found out he was an "IT Consultant" ... I mean, how could he possibly take care of my needs when he makes such poor career choices? But then I discovered that he moonlights as a volunteer firefighter... now that's a real job. I image he gets paid big bucks for that! 

I'm relieved, frankly. It would have been really awkward dragging my bones to the first day at pre-kin knowing that my answer to the perennial "so what does your father-figure do?" question would be "well... he's a dweeb".  Now I can say, with some pride, that he's a highly paid volunteer firefighting dude.

 
2004-07-05 My Papa is a bit of a photo nut so, somewhat reluctantly, I agreed to pose for him on our last outing. He needs a bit of training on composition, lighting and a few other technical aspect of fashion photography but, in the end, he managed to get off a few passable shots. This is my favourite...
2004-07-23 This is my buddy Kate.  She's the coolest... amazingly genuine, erudite and way more experienced. She's actually chewed on meat and knows how to fall asleep without parental intervention and, let me tell you, that's no mean feat. She wears her heart on her sleeves though... when she's happy she squeals. And when she squeals you'd better have some ear protection....

 

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This site was last updated 05/31/07